I think my fart just growled at me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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