Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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