If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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