Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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