Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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