We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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