The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize