Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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