Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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