I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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