he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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