I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize