i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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