How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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