Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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