I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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