so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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