you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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