Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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