dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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