I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The ass gains better be worth it
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