life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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