i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Terrible idea I love it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize