would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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