She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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