I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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