I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize