the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Shame is for Republicans.
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