would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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