I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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