Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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