Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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