So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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