they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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