good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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