I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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