OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize