I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize