All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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