The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize