I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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