I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A bitchslap is in order.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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