Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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