oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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