you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize