youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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