how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize