the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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