Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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