i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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